by Patrick

Hiding myself
From those that I love
All for the sake of making sure
What if they knew?
Would they still care?
Would they laugh in my face?
Or uncomfortably shift away?

Would I ever be able
To reveal my whole self?
Get everything off my chest
Every weird random desire
Every whim and fancy
Who could accept it all without a second thought?
If given the chance, would I?

I don't want to cause trouble
I just want to find out
I want everything good to stay how it is
How could it possibly get better?
I've overdrawn from my account
It's time to pay something back
Can I leave myself open to giving it up?

It feels like there's a hole
Here let me plagiarize:
"It's in my soul."
I want to be creative
Not just to show off
(Although I'd like some recognition)
For the most part it's to know that I have a purpose

It couldn't be that there's nothing for me
That I'm just here floating
Can it be? Can it? Why?! How?!
Do those words even hold meaning?
Is there anything I can do to change the answer?
Or will it be exactly the answer I fear?
Is the answer something I can ever know?

I suppose there's some solace
In assuming I'm good, above all else
But who could fall for that?
I don't want a cheap ego boost
(Although those are good on occasion)
I just want some reassurance
Should I bother buying life insurance?
Why couldn't I resist the rhyme of the last line?

And now comes the time that I find a just end
To make it all fit into a box
Am I fooling myself by putting this much importance onto it?
Does it deserve any at all?
Perhaps there's something I've learned from this, after all
I should stop while I'm ahead.

Back to Text Archive